Nightmare
by sanghee
Summary: Arthur and Merlin come back from a war; Arthur is doing fine, but Merlin wakes up in cold sweat every night. Merlin's involvement in the battles was more than protecting Arthur... it was about sacrifice as well... but the choice he made slowly drives him insane...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! Long time no see! Sorry... I have been so busy with college applications and acceptances and what not (UGH) but enjoy!**

**WARNING: Grammatically (probably) incorrect; Awkwardness (since it's been a while since I wrote anything); It's two in the morning and I have a math test tomorrow (kill me please)**

Nightmare

Part 1: Present

The Kingdom of Camelot celebrated the return of its prince and knights. They have been at war with King Charles of the east lands for about four months. It was amazing. Camelot suffered the least; they went out with a sixty thousand men and came back with sixty thousand and one hundred men. Camelot changed the minds of the other knights and they converted their loyalty to Prince Arthur. What the public didn't know, however, was that people of magic heritage aided them.

Arthur did not know about the mystical sorceress helping Camelot - the only Kingdom persecuting magic - and neither did Uther. The only ones who knew of the magic users were Merlin and Lancelot. Merlin… Merlin…

Merlin, Arthur's manservant, was the awkwardest, scrawniest, most peculiar man Camelot has ever housed. But because of his loyalty and unconditional sarcasm he was Arthur's right arm. Truthfully, Merlin believed that the prince was utterly useless without him, which is partly true since the warlock was utterly useless without Arthur.

"Back on my own bed." Arthur groaned. He was congratulated by everyone - including his father, Morgana, and every other person five kingdoms out. "Merlin!" He called out, "My armor isn't removing itself!"

"Coming Sir Prat," the raven haired boy responded. "You can't do anything on your own can you?"

"Excuse me?" Arthur sat up from his red bed. "If you haven't noticed, _I _saved Camelot from destruction."

"That's what you think." Merlin mumbled. He worked slowly, every muscle in his body ached and he struggled to keep his eyes open. Once the bickering and the polishing ended, Merlin did not hesitate to jump onto his bed. BUT of course there was a sick knight in his bed; it was inevitable all of his room and Gaius's room was invaded with sick knights. He groaned and went outside to help the old physician.

o.o.o.o.o

Morning came and Merlin was covered in sweat. He woke up with a start, his hair stuck to his forehead and his clothes were drenched. It wasn't hot, it was actually almost freezing, but beads of sweat rolled down his body. He shivered and took off his shirt. He was going to be late waking up the prince - then again, when was he ever not late?

"MERLIN!" Arthur called again for the sixth time that day. "Why are you my manservant? I have a banquet in less than an hour and still you haven't washed my clothes, polished my sword, drawn the bath, and even tied your scarf correctly!"

Instead of bickering back, Merlin just continued to polish the ceremonial weapon. The prince's clothes were hanging in the sun, the water was being heated, and the scarf… the scarf was perfect the way it was. Arthur continued to rant about unnecessary smiles and handshakes he would have to do during the feast, and Merlin just listened; the Prince had to relieve his stress too and Merlin didn't mind because he would get to see his friends during the feast.

He stopped polishing the sword. His friends… Lancelot, Jordan. Edward… those friends.

o.o.o.o.o

"It is a miracle how our prince was able to come back with more support and destroy the incompetent King of the east in only four months." King Uther said with a cup of wine held in his hands. "We now know, Camelot is the true Kingdom with the morals given by God. Let me remind you, Magic is evil and will not be tolerated. The heavens agree with us and protect us from harm. Let us feast!" There were applauses and a continuation of laughter.

"Arth- Prince Arthur, Gaius requested my aid," Merlin bit his tongue. The blonde was chatting with Uther's guests and it was proper to address the prince as prince.

"Alright, you are relieved from your duty tonight." Arthur responded. He cursed with his eyes _Why are you leaving me with these people? They're worse than you!_

"Thank you sire."

o.o.o.o.o

For the next few weeks the excitement died down and Arthur was back training his knights, but Merlin was still waking up with cold sweat. "My God Merlin! I bet I can carry five bags of apples in the bags under your eyes!" Gwaine commented one evening. "Are you getting enough sleep mate?"

"Sigh, one day I'm going to be the one burning Camelot down." Merlin groaned. He ruffled the back of his head. "Ugh and I'd personally kill Arthur."

"You can't even land a punch, _Mer_lin; how do you expect to even hurt me?" Arthur chuckled. He knew his life was never in danger when around Merlin, and he enjoyed his manservant's laid back attitude… it was liberating.

"You have no idea." Merlin yawned. "Well, I guess I won't be playing dice tonight."

"What you afraid to lose all you money?" Arthur teased.

Merlin looked at his with a blank expression. "Are you serious? For the past year I have been earning more money than the Kingdom gives me for babysitting a brat like you." The knights laughed and Arthur grew pink. The dragonlord walked out of the recreational room and headed off to his room when suddenly he lost conscious.

_*Lancelot! NO! Oh my God… Please no! Please.' Merlin's hand was covered in red. He then saw a brunette man with an arrow in his chest. 'Jordan…' he whispered. Red was overwhelming him, his arms and legs were slowly being bounded by the blood of his friends. He couldn't move, the blood continued up until it was drowning him.*_

Merlin woke up again, drenched. He looked around, he was still in the dark shortcut to his room. No one else knew of it except for him and Lancelot and he was glad. It would have been bad if someone found his like this.

He walked into his room and there he saw silver. The knights filled his room; Arthur was there, so was Leon, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan. "Merlin!" they cried. "Where the hell were you?"

Merlin looked at them blankly. "What do you mean?" _I've only been gone for at most for the night… right?_

"What do I mean? What do I mean?!" Gwaine shouted. He never got this serious. "You were missing for two weeks!"

Blood drained from Merlin's face. "What?"

"Don't you fucking 'what' me!" It was Arthur this time. He clenched his fist. "Get out." Blank stares was the response. "EVERYONE GET OUT!" He then pointed violently at Merlin. "YOU STAY."

When the knights exited the room, Arthur stayed silent for a few minutes. "Where were you?"

Merlin opened his mouth and then closed it. He didn't even know how long he had been gone for.

"Damn it Merlin! Answer the question!"

Merlin didn't know how to answer it. "I… I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know where I've been. I don't even know how long I was asleep for."

There was a pause. "Asleep?"

"Yeah, the last thing I remember was the night I walked back from the… dice game…" Merlin felt his head throb, his breathing got faster. "I went down the shortcut I found a few years ago and I thought… I fell asleep through the night."

"Merlin… you disappeared a week after that night."

The manservant felt weak, he reached for his chair and sat. The pain in his head intensified.

"I think I can explain this."

The two looked at the doorway. It was the old physician.

o.o.o.o.o

"These will make you fall asleep." Gaius handed his boy a few herbal balls. "Take it and try to remember any dream that comes up."

"What if I don't want to dream?" He asked.

"Do you recall your previous dreams?"

"No, but I just remember that I don't like them."

"Just… Just…" silence filled the room and Gaius just patted Merlin's right shoulder.

Arthur stood in the background waiting for someone to explain what was happening.

**IM SO SORRY! I know I know I have to finish my other stories (I'll eventually get to them I swear, but just not now lol)**

**SO Unlike my other stories I hope this will be in three parts so I guess I'll finish it some time soon... but then again I have AP testing in like eleven days then I DONT HAVE TO DO AYNTHING FOR SCHOOL AT ALL MUAHAHAHA SINCE ALLL OF MY FUCKING CLASSES ARE FUCKING AP CLASSES FAHSDIFHASDIPF YEAHHH D FUCK YEAH DFSHSDAIFHASD**

**so yeah I'm a senior... dude... I started when I was a freshman... dude... who has been with me for the full time? well... it doesnt matter since I began focusing on different fandoms... no it actually matters since I love each and every one of my readers. I love you guys im going to cry and sleep now bye! please review though**


	2. Chapter 2

**SO hey guys! an update! thanks for reading the last chapter and yeah. (i forgot to tell you guys its an AU that gwaine and the others were knights while Uther was still in charge.**

* * *

Nightmare

Part 2: Past

Merlin closed his eyes. He soon fell into something not even a dragon could disrupt; he was asleep.

_Three weeks ago:_

_Merlin walked down the empty passageway just for him. He could feel the energy escaping his body with every move, he soon hit the floor and was asleep. After about two hours he woke up at the dead of night; it was cold and there was no fire to guide him. So he whispered a spell and was able to reach his room. There he collapsed._

_ In the morning the boy was lifeless, there were bags under his deep blue eyes and there was no color in his cheeks. "Merlin, what on earth were you doing last night? It looks as if you have been sleep deprived for five years!" It was Gaius, his right eyebrow was higher than his left. "Make sure to get some sleep later, I still want someone to take out the trash by the end of the week."_

_ "Sure, you got it." He replied subconsciously. He sat down at the table and began eating the hot soup. The great and powerful mystical warlock finished his soup and ran out of the room to pick up Arthur's breakfast; "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late" he mumbled. He ran to the kitchen, down the hall, two steps around the corner, and five leaps to Arthur's chambers. He opened the heavy wooden doors and-_

_ "You're late."_

_ Merlin cursed under his breath. "Well… at least that saves me from waking him up." he murmured. "I brought food."_

_ "I can see that you dimwit." Arthur was already out of bed, he had his night clothes off and his day clothes on. He walked to his table and waited for his manservant. "Merlin," he lifted his eyebrows, "my food."_

_ The next few days Merlin continued to serve Arthur; however, the amount of bickering decreased and during that time, Merlin never smiled once._

_ During the night of the seventh day, Merlin sat up and with tears in his eyes he simply just walked out of the physician's room. Like a machine, Merlin just placed one foot after the next. He walked and walked, down to the courtyard, down to the village, down to the field, down to the forest; Merlin just walked and walked. By the time he reached consciousness he was five villages down. He opened his eyes and did not know where he was. "Oh my god. I'm going to be late with Arthur's breakfast," he mumbled. He looked around, he was surrounded by large trees and early morning fog. "What the hell am I doing here?" He questioned. Then he remembered; it was the way to the previous battle._

_ "Oh dear," he bit his lip; "Oh dear." The Warlock tried to remember the walk there, but he had nothing._

o.o.o.o.o

"He's crying." Arthur noted. He looked at his manservant lying on the bed.

"Yes Arthur, he is." Gaius responded.

"Why is he crying?"

"That's what he's going to tell us." The elder said when he saw his ward awakening.

_o.o.o.o.o_

_Merlin tried to walk back to the castle, but when he fell asleep, he walked farther toward the warzone. He kept dreaming about Jordan, Edward, and especially Lancelot. Where was Lancelot?_

o.o.o.o.o

"Arthur, why are you petting me?" Merlin asked all groggy.

Arthur pulled back his hand quickly. "You were crying." He muttered.

The manservant touched his cheeks, they were wet. He tried to remember what made him cry. "I was crying because of your horrible odor!" He teased.

"I do not have bad odor!" He ruffled his manservant's hair, but his smile wasn't carefree. The prince stepped back when the elder came with a cup of tea.

"Merlin do you remember anything from your dream?" Gaius asked with a concerned tone.

Merlin bit the inside of his cheek and lowered his gaze. "I, I can't… I don't remember much of it." He shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. "I can't."

Arthur sighed. "Then where have you been for the last two week?"

"Truthfully, I don't remember the last three weeks."

Gaius placed a hand on his ward's shoulder and patted him. "Don't think about it so much. I am sure you will find out sooner or later."

Arthur and Merlin were distant toward each other, but that distance shorted after every hour, soon they were bickering and bantering playfully as any other normal day. Merlin's friends promised to escort him whenever they had the chance. "Princess was very irritated when he didn't have mommy Merlin to take care of 'im" Gwaine explained to his best friend. That night Merlin was kidnapped to a bar by Gwaine, Percival, Leon, and the other knights (including the prince himself); they indulged themselves in mead and other cheap beverages. But unlike before, when the sky grew dark, Elyan made sure Merlin made it to his bed.

o.o.o.o.o

_Merlin finally reached the battle ground. There were still bodies abandoned by the enemy and forgotten armor were scattered throughout the land. Then he saw it. Merlin saw Lancelot's most valuable metal weapon… the sword Merlin and the rest of the knights gave him. Why wasn't it taken back? Even if Lancelot was dead they would have taken it back! Merlin was furious, but then he realized the possibility of his best friend's death._

_ He looked around and around, why the hell would Arthur allow Lancelot's body to be left behind? Uther announced that there were no casualties! Merlin kicked a helmet and let out a ear piercing roar of frustration and anger. No one was around him, he let it out, it was nothing a normal could produce… it was the roar of a dragonlord. He then used his magic to vent his anger; but instead of disrespecting those who died, he used his magic to place everybody into a grave and while he did that, he inspected every face to find Lancelot. He lost it when he saw _them.

o.o.o.o.o

Merlin woke up with a gasp, he was drenched. He wiped his brow and tried to calm his breathing. He remembered them. The warlock, put on his shoes and grabbed his brown jacket; he needed answers and he needed then now. He quickened his pace and reached Gwaine's chambers. He didn't care if there was a girl there, he was going to get answers no matter what. "Gwaine! Open the door!" He knocked. There was shuffling and a crash, but then the thin wooden door flung open. Merlin let himself in and his friend stood half dead.

"What are you doing here?"

Merlin looked around, the mess in the room indicated that there was no one else at his home. The warlock looked straight into his friend's eyes. "Where is Lancelot."

Gwaine let out a painful sigh. "He was… he was stripped of his title as a knight by Uther. We couldn't do anything to… give him a proper… burial."

Merlin felt weak in the knees. "Dead…"

"Yeah, he… he used magic."

"Lancelot!? Magic?" Merlin was in disbelief. He shivered, his hair was still wet from his sweat. "He… He doesn't _have_ magic!"

"But he recruited the magic tribe before the battle even began."

That sounded familiar, the magic tribe… Merlin opened his eyes wide in fright. "He didn't do that." There was a pause. "I did."

* * *

**DUN DUN DUNNN**

**Yeah I hope this was good and please leave a review! sorry this took so long to update, I thought i would do it faster but I forgot I had AP testing... UGH kill me please?**

**but i only have four more tests to take so im good! **


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